It was a totally mindless movie but I always crack up during those scenes in The Mummy where the possessed followers of Imhotep are chanting his name “Imhotep…Imhotep…Imhotep”. I don’t even know why. See, I told you I laugh at stupid things.
It was an incredibly emo (get it?) last week of February. Not the most emo ever, but pretty dreary and deep and tearfilled and loaded with feelings and shit. Last year was loaded with weeks like this and it sucks that I’m still having them.
Last Saturday was also the five-year anniversary of my father’s death and there was also that earthquake in Chile, resulting in the tsunami warnings in Hawaii. I have to be honest and say I didn’t seriously think anything devastating woud happen back home, at least not like the Samoan or Indonesian tsunamis (and especially since mom lives way inland). Even my mom was blasé about it when I was talking to her on the phone. Looks like everyone was prepared for the worst and yes, better safe than sorry. Leave it to my fellow locals to bum-rush Costo at a time like that. Don’t get me started on earthquakes tho. I lived through a big one wherein my family’s homes were levelled and friends killed. It was one of the most frightening experiences of my life. So my thoughts go out to those people in Chile.
I should expound on how I feel five years after my dad’s passing, but that’s not something I want to do right now. Perhaps another day.
March is here. Our Canadian taxes are filed and we got an itty-bitty refund. My U.S. taxes are filed with zero refund. I still have to prep paperwork for the U.S. immigration stuff and I haven’t even looked at the Canadian Citizenship applications. I think each process is gonna cost us a little over a grand and I get queasy thinking about how we’re going afford it. Two-grand is not chump change. I think that’s why I’m not rushing to get it done when I should be. We’re also having some strange stuff going on with our apartment lease, but that’s getting resolved. We get another exciting rent hike, but later in the year than expected.
Of course, I have been watching Lost. The last two episodes have been great (zomg the numbers!), but realizing that there are only ten episodes left, how the hell are they gonna wrap in such a short period of time? And man, I though evil Locke was evil, but how about that infected Claire? She a scary axe-weilding bitch now.
The sun is out longer now, and I actually wore my shades walking home yesterday. I think I may be able to again today.
What the? Seriously? It’s been seven days since I last updated? No really, it feels like I updated just the other day.
This kind of “already?” realization is common I know, but it’s been a bit nerveracking as of late because it seems to be happening *way* more than usual. For instance at work today there was membership renewal that arrived in the mail (wow, people still use snail mail for those?) and I swore up and down I had paid it the other week – almost bet my life on it. Of course, I check the records, and sure enough I paid it OVER A YEAR AGO. Time is screwing me over by moving too fast. Or maybe it’s a brain tumor.
I laugh everyday. I try to anyway. You do too right? Most times it’s because of stupidity or things being stupid cute (ahem, LOLcatz). I also laugh at really offensive things (I wonder sometimes if that makes me a bad person). It’s the Plurk people make me laugh during my work day as our convos usually involves boobs, bayags*, manyaks* or sex. But hey, that’s what most people laugh and joke about right? Can I get fired for laughing at shit like that at work? Lagoot.
I fake laugh too. To break tension and in lieu of rolling my eyes.
I think the reason why I fell so hard for Pete was because he made me laugh. So much. Genuinely. He still does. The Sis is another person that can make me laugh so hard it hurts. That’s what I think about when I start missing her, like I do now.
It’s been so dreary here. It’s a good thing I laugh a lot.
Random: Reading a fellow journaler’s entry today. She’s dating someone new. She said she left this weekend “so deliciously sore and swollen”. I love that. Not in that pervy way in that I’m getting my rocks off knowing she had an awesome weekend of sex, but really – we need more weekend’s like that in our life. I actually thought that was one of the most romatic things I’ve heard in awhile. If you disagree, perhaps you’ve never had one of those nights/weekends.
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* You know you want to urban dictionary this.
I just hit a mega-extreme wall of laziness. I can’t be bothered to do anything else for the rest of the day. I feel so lazy right now, I’m contemplating taking a cab home. Mind you I live 15-20 minutes away BY FOOT. Of course, I’m not going to. I am not that idiotic. In rush hour it’ll probably take me 30+ minutes to get home in a cab plus a $10 fare. And the faster I get home the faster I can get to being lazy at home.
I can’t believe how many babies are out there or are soon to come. The majority of the people whom I consider close and/or long time pals are now sprouting mini-mees. Statistically, we’re all in the right age bracket now for this to be happening but it’s still surreal. Especially since I don’t want kids of my own. They’re down a path now that I can’t follow and while I know this isn’t a bad thing, I’m kind of sad that I wont be able to relate to that aspect of their lives since I won’t be experiencing it myself first hand. No, I’m not having second thoughts about having children, I’m just kind of scared that everyone is growing up doing those adult things and *I* don’t feel like I am grown up yet.
Can you believe I sometimes forget that I’m marrired? Pete’s just my live in boyfriend, haha. Being “married” has always been a grown-up thing for me and like I said, I don’t feel grown-up regardless of having adult responsibilities for years. When will I ever, I wonder.
Maybe I don’t want to grow-up (I’m-a-toys-r-us-kid). But I don’t want to suddenly be an old bag in denial about my age. Is it okay to feel un-grown-up at my age? Am I in denial already? Will I totally lose touch with my friends who have blossoming adult-careers and children because of my stunted growth? Maybe a reality check is in order. Where can I get one?
I guess it’s a slow moving week for me because it totally feels like it’s further along in the week than in really is. Really? It’s only Wednesday?
While the east coast shuts down because of that huge winter system today, we’re getting the skirts of it with only a few inches of snow. Everything was lightly covered in it this morning but it was already melting on my walk to work. There is no way the light flurries coming down now is going to catch up and gift me with a winter wonderland.
I had totally forgotten this upcoming weekend was a long one until someone at work reminded me. Monday is Family Day, a relatively new holiday here in Canada which makes no sense to me, but I’m not going to complain about having the day off. It also happens to be President’s Day back home, but as I remember it, not too many people get that day off. I do remember having to work on that holiday at the old firm.
Heck I even forgot about VD happening this weekend until right now. I’ve always been indifferent about Valentine’s Day as I’m not one for the cheesey romantic stuff. My ex used to go all out on those days (fancy dinner, chocolates, roses [ugh] the whole nine yards), which was great I guess, but honestly, all I usually want to do those days was stay home and watch TV or something. I don’t even remember if Pete and I have done anything on VD in the years we’ve been together. I mean yes, it’s nice to get a little something-something, but it’s not important. A nice romp in the sack will do.
Random: why in god’s name am I getting all this acne? It’s fucking up my already fucked-up face! I’m too old for this shit!
Oh yes, my thoughts on Lost last night. The QQ-ing from Sawyer (“I was going to ask her to marry me”) actually pulled at my heart strings a little but I wouldn’t exactly call this episode a good one. All the shooshtings and beat-up-Jack bits, and torture scenes are getting tiring already (this retweet made me crack-the-eff up tho). And how obvious was it that that guy being a jerk-off to Kate was gonna die? And Claire is alive but a Rousseau part deux? What the fuck? Okay, I guess that is typical Lost but I don’t know. There’s so much to wrap up in the few more episodes we have, I’m starting to get scared that instead of answering all the questions the fans need answering, they’re just adding too much fodder for it to be answered properly. Plus I need more Desmond. Now.
What’s for lunch? I’m starved.
Paris was almost two years ago. I’m beginning to wonder if we’ll be able to hop back on the other side of the pond anytime soon (meaning in the next five years). I’m laying on the cheese factor here, but that short trip was one of the most memorable trips Pete and I ever had together and every other day or so we exclaim: “I miss Paris” and get the oogle-lies from reminiscing.
At this point in my life, I thought I’d be travelling more. My in-flight time has dramatically diminished compared to the thousands of miles I’ve travelled the years before I moved to Toronto. I know it’s the situation I’m in now and Toronto itself keeping me from world-exploring, but coincidentally or not, since moving here my life has been lull-ing in ways that I am so very unhappy with. Three years of this can make you crazy.
Then there’s work. Talking about work here is usually a no-no for me but I need to vent and say I’m getting tired of law firm life. This is part and parcel to the lull-ing I mentioned. I’ve been with this place for more than four years and I think that’s the longest I’ve worked anywhere. The firm is awesome in so many ways but there’s this urge to move on and look at other opportunities. Something more challenging.
Do I want to stay in this field? It’s idotic to jump and make a career change right now of course, but I think once we get settled back in the States I really need to look long and hard (even more seriously this time) at my options. Do I want to go back to school – law school? Am I really up for that? REALLY? Is my brain still functional enough for that kind of brutality? I can do bookwork and papers and no problem, but do can I mold my personality enough to pull out of my forever-introversm to deal with and network (AHHHH!!!) with way-younger students, professors, lawyers and litigators? How do I even afford school? I get a kiniption simply hearing about the LSATs for fuck’s sake.
Typing that out woke me up a little. Reminding myself of possible directions my life kinda makes me a little excited but also suddenly makes appreciate the “lull”. Yeah, I’m flip-flopping. What if I don’t take that road? Move laterally work-wise (not career, what career?). Take the few vacations I can afford a year and be happy with a very simple life with Pete? That doesn’t sound too bad. I love that I can leave work and leave work at work. I love the weekends and the loads of free time that I have that I usualy fill with whatever selfish and pleasurable thing I want without breaking the bank. Is my brain and quality of life rotting with the way things are going now? Appreciate what I have now because I’ll get run over by a bus tomorrow?
Didn’t I say I wanted to travel more? How does that fit into all this? How do I get that by staying where I’m at?
What else is there? What else do I want to do? I mean really, shouldn’t I have figured this out already?
Fuck. Life is hard. Don’t mind me. I’m in a mood.
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